Thou Shalt Play Halo
by penvision
Summary: My second attempt at an ActionAdventure, the Teen Titans throw a Halo party... with lots of LAN cables. That's it. For Halo or first person shooter fans, really. (Complete)
1. Maybe If I Ripped the Doorbell Out

Author's Notes: Hi, been a few months eh? Talk about writer's block, anyway here's a new fic. I have absolutely no idea where this is going or how long it's going to be. I might even post it for, like, a week and then trash it. It's about the Teen Titans playing Halo 3. Why? Because I've been playing Halo 2. A lot. And I don't even have an X-Box. Figure that out. So… can't promise that anyone will like this, but here you guys go.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans or Halo 2 and/or 3.

…

DING DONG!

Raven sighed and opened her eyes, taking in the vacant living room. Once again her morning meditation had been disturbed: by now it had become a biweekly occurrence. She floated down to the floor and dropped to her feet, pausing for another second to see if anyone else would be sensible enough to get the door.

DING DONG!

Apparently not. Raven glanced longingly at her steaming cup of tea before letting out another sigh, "yeah, yeah." She floated toward the main door, glancing at the clock as she passed the kitchen. "Who the hell stops by at six in the morning?"

DING DONG!

"I'm coming, moron." Convinced that whoever was at the door had no sense of time, Raven paused in front of it and debated ripping out the doorbell.

Knock knock!

"All right, plan A tossed aside," Raven admitted defeat and telepathically slammed the door open, smirking as it banged into place, cracking the plaster. "What are yo- …you've got to be kidding me."

…

Beast Boy's eyes snapped open in pain as his back collided with the floorboards of his room. He slowly relaxed his tense muscles and let his eyes drift to the top bunk as his mind pondered all of the ways he might have fallen out of his bed. Suddenly thoughts clicked in his head and he winced as an earsplitting crash emanated from Cyborg's room. "Oh… crap."

…

Raven was shoved aside while over a dozen teenage boys all but sprinted into the living room, chatting animatedly with each other.

"Brought two LAN cables-"

"Said they had three projectors-"

"Greatest game ever!"

"Think they have online capability?"

"Hope they have lots of chips and-"

"Fifteen new maps! Fifteen! It's crazy-"

"New vehicle, too, supposed to be some kind of boat-"

"They kept moving the release date back-"

Raven's eyes grew wide, she knew exactly what they were talking about: Halo 3 multiplayer edition. She followed the teens into the living room, tossing her hood back, "no! No no no no! It's not even a quarter past six, you are NOT having a Halo party in-"

"Morning, babe." Beast Boy gave Raven a quick peck on the cheek before racing past her and jumping onto the couch, blatantly ignoring her glare, "thanks for getting me up!" Cyborg bounded in after Beast Boy and paused in front of Raven, ready to give thanks, only to be stared down.

"Morning… Raven…" he took two steps back before turning around and leaping over the couch, saying 'hello' to everyone.

…

Sgt. Keegan leapt across the shallow creek and crouched in the overgrown prairie, the grass surrounding him waving in the gentle breeze. He closed his eyes and listened; all he heard was the creek running behind him and sporadic gunfire in the distance. A twig broke to his left and his eyes flashed with excitement. He leapt up, his hand reaching behind him and pulling out his automatic shotgun from its back holster. His enemy turned in surprise, pistol resting at his side, but before he could raise it Sgt. Keegan emptied a round of lead into the unsuspecting soldier's chest.

A woman's voice echoed across the map "Lost the lead… Gained the lead."

Sgt. Keegan smirked as he crouched once more, dashing across the meadow, constantly watching for enemies. He paused after about 50 yards, taking cover behind a large boulder that had fallen from a cliff just behind it. The green of his uniform and the sun setting to his left made him almost invisible while crouched in the grass, and the Sgt. took full advantage of the situation. He slapped his shotgun back into its holster, having no more need of a short range weapon after securing his new location, and pulled out his sniper rifle.

He leaned himself completely against the rock, still hidden within the grass, and leaned up until he could see over the grass tips. Sgt. Keegan scanned the meadow, watching with slight interest as two soldiers crouched behind crumbling walls, standing up and tossing grenades in each other's general direction every few seconds. He focused on the purple soldier to the right and zoomed in twice, aiming just above the soldier's head. Content with his aim, he lay flat in the grass and fired, a cry sounded through the meadow for all players to hear. He grinned, knowing that he remained hidden, his bullet trail concealed by the foliage.

Sgt. Keegan waited a second longer before returning to his crouching position and zooming in on the other soldier. His target slowly stood up and looked around, trying to find his enemy. He quickly realized that he did not kill the man in purple and began to sprint away. The soldier had gone barely five steps when a bullet ripped through his upper torso while he was switching weapons. He collapsed to the ground, dead.

"Tied for lead."

Sgt Keegan panicked and zoomed out, his finger still squeezing the trigger lightly. The bullet hadn't been his, but it hit almost exactly where he was aiming. He stood and turned around, his head whipping up to the cliff behind him in time to see Col. Jock's finger squeeze the trigger of his assault rifle and feel the bullets hit his chest.

"Lost the lead… Gained the lead."

Beast Boy slammed his controller down. "Damnit!"

"Boo ya, Salad Head! You didn't even see me coming!"

Beast Boy's face turned red. "Screen watcher!"

Cyborg's voice echoed through his earpiece. "You're in a different room!"

…

Sgt. Keegan sidled against the rock wall near the cave entrance, plasma rifle in hand, and watched for any movement in the field in front of him. Convinced that he had not been spotted, the Sgt. slowly peaked his head into the cave, rifle prepared to fire. A soldier of yellow dashed by, pistol in hand, oblivious of Sgt. Keegan's rifle. The Sgt. flexed his hand, gripping the trigger, but did not fire. He knew that the plasma shots would light up the entire tunnel, giving away his position.

He dashed into the cave with a quick glance behind him, following the echoing footsteps of the yellow soldier. He pulled out a grenade: if the footsteps stopped he would toss it, because if the soldier turned around he would see Sgt. Keegan's outline against the light of the entrance. The green uniform was no camouflage here.

The footsteps echoed around the corner and then stopped, Sgt. Keegan stopped a step after, but his last footstep echoed clearly. He slammed his back against the cave wall and tossed the grenade at an angle, it ricocheted around the corner and bounced twice before an explosion of light and sound filled the cave.

"Tied for the lead."

Sgt. Keegan did not waste time with celebrating: his position had been given away to anyone who knew the caves . He crouched and rolled into the corner, tossing his plasma rifle aside and pulling out his shotgun again. He flipped on his heat goggles and switched looking back and forth down the two corridors. Footsteps echoed to his right and he aimed his shotgun, watching the red dot slowly form into a soldier searching the hallway. He shut off his goggles and cocked his shotgun, the soldier down the hall paused at the sound, pistol aimed ahead of him. Sgt. Keegan pulled the trigger, the shell fragments hitting their mark and the enemy collapsed in the hallway. At the same time a flash of blue passed his eyes followed by a single bounce. He looked down at the glowing ball and let out a sigh.

"Oh… shit."

"Gained the lead… Lost the lead." 


	2. The Elimination

Author's Note: Well… Since I got some good reviews and a few of you seem to share my passion, here's chapter two of my odd Halo ficcy. I'm thinking four chapters long at most, so hey, halfway there right? I love this game. 

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans or Halo 2 and/or 3.

…

Col. Black Bird was not nearly as impatient as Sgt. Keegan. He paused longer, moved slower, watched closer, and shot less. He had never been cornered, he had never been snuck up on, and even with everyone falling around him he had never been killed.

Col. Black Bird leaned back against the solid wall and reloaded his sniper rifle, waiting patiently for nothing in particular. He inspected his location again: a narrow path running along the upper section of the cliff that enclosed the map. The path made a bend on either side of him, hopefully allowing him to hear an enemy soldier before they could see each other. He crouched forward and adjusted his sniper rifle, his left eye peering through the scope.

A gentle breeze made the grass sway back and forth every few seconds in the valley below, so the Col. occupied himself with watching for abnormal grass movements. It was a tactic that rarely put him ahead during the main part of the battle, but it often won it for him. After a few minutes he found what he was looking for: the grass parted and swayed in a moving line… against the wind. Someone was sneaking. He zoomed in once, trying to guess where the body was located in the moving grass. If he zoomed in again he would not be able to keep up with the soldier through his scope, so he waited. A glint of blue shined for a split second and Col. Black Bird pulled the trigger, smiling as the grass became still once again and the echo died away.

…

The only reason Pvt. Silky had not run out of lives yet was because she couldn't sit still, and that made it almost impossible to shoot her. Well that and the fact that she had a rocket launcher on her shoulder. And she was a bit… trigger happy. And not afraid to commit suicide. After the startling discovery of the jump ability and the even more startling discovery that ammo did, in fact, run out, Pvt. Silky entertained herself with jumping in circles around the main room of the cave and firing a rocket every five seconds, picking up ammo as she skipped. All 19 other soldiers avoided the room.

…

Raven, who did not see the point in giving herself a rank or in disguising her name or in playing this stupid game at all, was enjoying herself. She hid deep in the cave, in a crook near Pvt. Silky's room, trying her hardest to ignore the constant explosions from the other side of the wall. With these two killers in complete control of the cave, common sense would suggest that the other players would avoid the cave all together, but the temptation of an unarmed soldier was too great. And with Raven constantly changing positions a pattern was hard to find. She also had another trick; she had made a secret alliance with one of the "guests" before the round began that proved quite useful. Footsteps echoed throughout the long passageway and she quickly positioned her submachine gun. A soldier with gold armor scampered by and Raven pulled the trigger, filling the cave wall with lead before ripping through the poor fool who followed the unarmed Count into the cave.

"Five players remaining."

A list flashed on Raven's visor as she jumped out of her hole:

Col. Black Bird: rank: 1st Lives Left: 5 Kills: 15

Raven: rank: 2nd Lives Left: 5 Kills: 13

The Count: rank: 3rd Lives Left: 4 Kills: 10

Sgt. Keegan: rank: 4th Lives Left: 3 Kills: 13

Pvt. Silky: rank: 5th Lives Left: 4 Kills: 4

Raven smirked as the Count nodded to her, she and her ally remained while Cyborg had been eliminated. He must be pissed.

They had each started with five lives, been shoved into a huge map with 19 other soldiers, and given two pistols to begin. That was five hours ago. Everything was different now. And Raven was hungry.

…

Mew-xena: No worries, I'm a girl, too, and I LOVE Halo. Besides, we're way better than all those boys. Is the book any good? I didn't even know that they had written one.

Vandagirl519: Ah, a BBTerra fan, I understand completely. I don't plan on putting much romance in here at all… to be honest I have no idea where this is going, but I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Alpha-331: I'm glad you like it and thank you for the rating, long live Halo! …The game.

MASTER CHIEF 45: Dude, Master Chief would kick ass as a Titan. …A bit old, though. Did you beat Halo 2 (I'm sure you did)? What is up with that ending?

Sydney Hermione: Yes, Teen Titans, Halo 2... AND BB/Rae, who else can give you that?


	3. And Then There Were Five

Author's Note: I have two study halls in school, so I write a lot, and right now I'm writing this. I figure as long as I'm writing it I might as well post it, so for the two of you reading this, here's chapter three. Hope it's not too boring, I never was good at action… Eh, what can you do?

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or Halo 2 and/or 3.

…

Raven jumped down from her hole just in time to avoid a friendly grenade from her 'ally.' As the dust cleared the Count hastily pulled his sword out only to have a bullet rip through his wrist. Raven watched him patiently, pistol aimed at his chest, the only sound in the dark cave was the sword hitting the stone floor.

The Count gripped his hand just below the wound and faced his enemy, his shoulders slouched. "Well Raven, our alliance has been mutually beneficial, I would've died a long time ago without you. Seeing as I'm out of grenades… it would be an honor to die by you." He dropped his hand and stood up straight.

Raven sighed and shot him three times in the chest, stepping over the body and heading for Pvt. Silky's room. "Why do you morons take this game so seriously?"

Raven peeked around the doorway and watched the Pvt. for a few seconds: it appeared that nothing had changed since she passed by an hour ago. Pvt. Silky continued to leap about, her finger still squeezing the trigger. It was too much of a risk to just run in there and shoot her, Raven knew this, but if left alone Pvt. Silky could win the game. Raven crouched down and pulled out her last grenade, she would not let that happen. When the Pvt. was ten yards away Raven rolled the grenade into the room and turned around, darting down the dark passageway. She would not be the only one after Pvt. Silky.

An explosion shook the cave and a point was added to Raven's score.

…

Sgt. Keegan dashed up the cliff trail, shotgun in hand, desperately searching for more shells: he was down to his last three. He stopped and turned to look behind him, making sure that no one had tried to follow him up the steep slope. The field was empty, but he could see figures moving far off in the distance. One was jumping rather blindly while the other was trying to shoot her with a pistol. Sgt. Keegan sighed and began to walk again when he paused, there was a bend in the trail in front of him and for some reason he was afraid to go around it. "C'mon, BB, the sooner we finish this the sooner we get lunch."

He sidled the wall, shotgun aimed ahead of him, and crept slowly toward the bend. Suddenly he heard the grass move under him and looked down to find the Count sprinting across the field. He whipped his shotgun around and prepared to fire when a single shot echoed throughout the canyon and the Count dropped dead.

…

Col. Black Bird could barely hold back his grin, he was one more kill closer to victory. He cocked his rifle and looked toward where Raven and Pvt. Silky were playing cat and mouse. A rock fell and bounced off of the path to his right and he spun his head around in time to see the barrel of a shotgun pointed at him. Sgt. Keegan was the first to shoot down a bird all day.

…

Raven tossed her pistol aside and pulled out her assault rifle, "let's see you dodge this, Pvt." Raven switched on the full automatic and let loose a spray of bullets. Pvt. Silky caught a bullet in the leg during mid jump and tumbled to the ground, she rolled onto her back, looking up at Raven and pouting.

"It's just a game." And with that phrase Pvt. Silky was destroyed.

…

Sgt. Keegan spotted Raven slipping into the bombed town sector of the map. He quickly followed her, reloading his shotgun. She weaved in and out of the crumbling walls, constantly searching for more ammo, oblivious to her stalker following only meters behind. Sgt. Keegan tracked her steps almost flawlessly, looking for an opportune moment to shoot her. Granted, he could shoot her in the back almost any time he wanted to, but shooting his girlfriend in the back after begging her to play the game in the first place did not seem like a good idea to him. He stopped suddenly, deciding to trust his instincts. She darted in front of him from behind a wall and across the street, collapsing as Sgt. Keegan shot her, not in the back, but in her side. He grinned and took out the blank cartridge. As he reloaded he noticed a blinking blue light between his feet.

"Damn you, Raven!"

…

Raven re-spawned in the old ruins she had just been in, next to the rocket launcher Pvt. Silky had so thoroughly enjoyed earlier. She tossed her plasma pistol to the side and grabbed the rocket launcher, looking around. Pvt. Silky was hopping around, oblivious to the bullets flying around her while the Count chased her, trying to shoot her down. Raven smirked. A well timed rocket took them out.

…

Sgt. Keegan crouched in the center of the meadow and sniped Raven before whipping the barrel of his gun toward the cliff trail and shooting down another bird. He reloaded his rifle and sprinted across the field, the grass brushing his waist. 


	4. Overdramatic Endings

Author's Note: Wow, been a few months. Nothing passes time like I swear. Anyway, sorry to anyone reading this, I'm terrible at finishing fics, thus the one-shots.

Disclaimer: I don't own Halo 2/3 (literally, I don't even have an X-Box) or the Teen Titans (uh… also literally).

…

The Count sighed and checked his pistol clip once again. Two bullets. He was down to his last life and in way over his head. The Titans were superheroes, and what was he? He looked around the tunnels of the base, letting out another deep sigh. He had spent the first few hours of the game surviving only through dirty tricks, destroying players far better than he could ever be by hiding in the shadows. He switched his pistol for a grenade, rolled it back and forth in his palm, inspecting the pin between his fingers. Was that so wrong, though? Had he done anything immoral or dishonest? He chuckled silently, feeling the weight of the grenade in his hand. Yes, he had, even if it was just a game. He would go with honor, die with pride, leave the game with a little self-respect.

The Count turned around slowly, a smile on his lips. Col. Black Bird watched him silently, his fingers gripped his assault rifle tightly, the two facing each other in the abandoned hall, a few yards separating them.

The Col. inspected his enemy's hands. "You're unarmed." A smirk as a gloved finger pulled out a small piece of metal. "I won't kill an unarmed man."

The Count eyed the rifle pointed at him, slowly turning his palm out. The Col. glanced at the grenade before their eyes met. "Me neither." They stood in silence, the only sound, ironically, was a pin dropping. "Farewell."

…

Sgt. Keegan sprinted across open field, his eyes focused on his destination as bullets whizzed past his head. As he forced his legs to climb the hill the base at the bottom of the valley came into view. He grinned, the metal walls shined with promises of protection and strength. But his eyes quickly focused in on the puma parked in front of the base. His feet slipped and he slid the rest of the way down the steep mound, his hand jutting out and pushing him back to his balance after the ground evened out. He leapt the last three feet into the puma and slammed his foot down on the accelerator.

Pvt. Silky finally made it to the top of the hill (it took quite a bit longer when jumping the entire way) and stopped to see where her target had gone. A vroom echoed near the bottom of the hill and she quickly looked down. She was washed in light as the puma pushed up the hill, the Sgt's eyes gleaming. She was frozen with fear, her feet glued to the ground, the puma racing up the hill to meet her. She closed her eyes and raised her rifle, pulling the trigger and aiming in the general direction of all the noise. The Sgt.'s grin grew.

…

Sgt. Keegan looked around, taking in his surroundings. "What the hell… how did I get up here!" He looked at the pistol in his hands, and realization hit him like a ton of bricks. "She killed me! How? You've gotta be kidding me!"

…

Pft-pft-pft-pft-click-click-click-click. Pvt. Silky slowly opened one eye, her finger little by little easing up on the trigger. She looked around, lowering her rifle slowly. In the valley below the puma rocked back and forth on its back, engine smoking. "…Oops."

…

The Sgt. trudged along the mountain path, mumbling under his breath. His ego, his pride, his honor, all gone. What happened? How could he not run over a Pvt.? He kicked a pebble out of his way. The puma had worked before… twice! And yet all she did was close her eyes and pull the trigger. Stupid, but brave. And it worked. He would have his revenge! And then… lunch! He tossed his pistol over the side of the cliff and picked up a shotgun, cocking it before continuing his way along the trail.

…

Crack!

"Ow! What the…?" Raven rubbed the top of her head a stepped back, glancing down at her feet. She bent down and picked up the small handgun, looking around. The field was empty from what she could see, which only left the sky, but that didn't make sense. Her eyes traveled up the cliff. A figure was trekking along a few meters ahead, green armor shining. "Beast Boy." She tossed the pistol aside and grabbed her sniper rifle, crouching on one knee and zooming in once, focusing his head in between the crosshairs. She let her hand drop a bit and focused on his lower back.

…

A distant gunshot shook Pvt. Silky out of her revere. She blinked and ran down the hill toward the base, not really looking for anything in particular. The Col. appeared in the doorway of the base, his form glowing from the sunlight, contrasting with the black emptiness behind him. His head held high and shoulders taut, rifle held in his hands against his chest, the Col. looked like the leader he was in the real world. Pvt. Silky stood in awe, captured by the beauty of the sight. And then the Col. took a step forward and the image faded away, his shoulders relaxed and head lowered a bit as he looked around, pausing when he caught sight of the puma. His eyes traveled to where Pvt. Silky stood, empty rifle forgotten at her side. Their eyes met and Col. Black Bird dropped his rifle to his side, as well. Both smiled.

…

Raven grimaced. They were in a videogame and they were still doing that mushy, googly-eyed, puppy love crap. They couldn't even shoot each other, and why not? She and Beast Boy were comfortable with shooting each other, in fact it was a good way to get some pent up stress out. Of course her killing him on his last life probably was not a very nice thing to do, but seriously! She rolled her eyes as she slung the rocket launcher over her shoulder. "Love hurts."

…

Starfire blinked as she looked at her screen. "Game over? I do not understand."

Beast Boy sat with his arms crossed, fuming silently. "It means you're dead, Starfire, no more jumping around shooting things."

"Oh… I see… how disappointing." Her screen continued to flash the two words, but focused in on Raven's character.

…

Col. Black Bird and Raven faced each other, a pistol each.

"Hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Me too."

Raven nodded and pulled the trigger. 


End file.
